Sep 162014
 

WELCOME ALI B.

Ali B.

Born and raised in farm country, Ali B now lives in San Diego with her husband, two kids, and a small herd of wily dachshunds. Books give her peace. Writing gives her life. Teaching gives her joy.
The Sixteen is her second novel and the second book in the Soul Jumpers series.

Connect with Author:

http://alibbooks.com/ TWITTER

What bothers Ali B when she’s writing?

Hmmm…. What bothers me most when writing? The first Soul Jumpers book, Iris Brave, was written in a coffee shop in San Diego. Iris’s adventure was plotted while nursing decaf lattes and refueling on bagels and cream cheese. For those of you troubled that I was there solely for the free Wi-Fi, I promise I wasn’t. I was there so I wouldn’t be bothered by my laundry.

Accumulating laundry is the bane of my existence. Okay, that might be an exaggeration, but I am really distracted by it. I tend to be a bit hard on myself, so even though I know writing is hard work, I still think I’d be a better human being if I could write a novel while simultaneously conquering household chores.

I solved the laundry problem by finding a spacious coffeehouse that serves a lovely latte and didn’t have metered parking. This charming place was miles away from my laundry room. I loved it! For about a week it was my literary oasis, but then someone sat in my spot.

I know what you’re thinking – that guy’s got a lot of nerve. That’s what I thought too. I was forced to sit at a lesser table across the room with people sitting behind me. I like my back against a wall – in case of an invasion, of course. It was unbearable. I clearly wasn’t going to get any work done. The first day he was in my spot I tried out my Vulcan mind meld powers on him. I’m sure they would have worked if I could have touched him (as is the Vulcan way) but that would have made me the creepy one.

He was there every day, in my spot, for about a week, but then he stopped. I was back where I belonged, blissfully sitting under the white rhinoceros sculpture that was oddly nailed to the wall at least two feet above anyone’s sightline. From that spot, without laundry and cheeky table stealers, I could write Iris Brave. For the most part.

Here’s a short(ish) list of other things that bother me when I’m writing.

1. Loud conversations.
2. Repetitive music.
3. Cell phone chatting.
4. Noisy eaters.
5. Noisy, slurping, coffee drinkers.
6. People who practice “spoken word” monologues at coffee houses.
7. People who meet their life coach at coffee houses.
8. People scraping their chairs at coffee houses.
9. People who stand outside the open door at coffee houses and smoke.
10. Needing to pee but not having anyone to guard your spot because everyone thinks your mean because you keep giving them dirty looks for the first nine things on this list.

ABOUT The Sixteen

There are people out there who don’t die with their bodies. Their souls live on in the bodies of others. Some good, some bad-they are soul jumpers.

Nothing in Iris Brave’s world makes sense anymore. Her father, Micah, is still alive-his soul survives in the body of a teenage boy.

It is up to Iris and a rogue group of soul jumpers called the Sixteen to save Micah. To do so Iris must take on the unscrupulous leaders of the Council. Can she save her father? Will she survive? Who can she trust when one mistake could cost her everything?

Scared and running out of hope, Iris doesn¹t know what her next move should be but she knows she must act to save the people she loves. A long way from home and surrounded by people who she knows are not what they seem, Iris jeopardizes her own freedom. Her brave rescue forces her on the run and changes her into someone she could’ve never imagined.

In the Soul Jumpers Series, Ali B. shares the message that we are more than the body we live in, everyone can be brave and while there is evil in the world, there is also infinite good.

BOOK DETAILS:

Number of Pages:
Genre: Middle Grade Fiction
Publisher: New Shelves Publishing Services
Publication Date: July 18th 2014
ISBN: 0988942216 (ISBN13: 9780988942219)

PURCHASE LINKS:

THANKS TO WOW! Women on Writing, I HAVE ONE (1) COPY TO GIVE AWAY.
OPEN TO U.S. and U.K. RESIDENTS
FILL OUT RAFFLECOPTER ENTRY FORM BELOW
GIVEAWAY ENDS 9/30 AT 6PM EST

WINNER WILL BE CHOSEN BY RAFFLECOPTER AND NOTIFIED VIA EMAIL AND WILL HAVE 48 HOURS TO RESPOND OR ANOTHER NAME WILL BE CHOSEN

a Rafflecopter giveaway

YOUR JAVA SCRIPT MAY NEED TO BE UPDATED IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING DIFFICULTY USING THE RAFFLECOPTER ENTRY FORM

DISCLAIMER
I received a copy of this book, at no charge to me, in exchange for my honest review. No items that I receive are ever sold…they are kept by me, or given to family and/or friends.
ADDENDUM
I do not have any affiliation with Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble. I am an IndieBound affiliate. I am providing link(s) solely for visitors that may be interested in purchasing this Book/EBook.

 

Jan 292014
 

WELCOME ALESIA and MICHAEL MATSON

MICHAEL and ALESIA MATSON

Michael  and  Alesia  have  been  married,  loving,  fighting,  and  writing  together  for  20  years. They  live  together  with  their  two  goofy  dogs  and  a  spastic  cat  in  Northern  California.

Author, needlework enthusiast, aspiring Buddha, RPGer, gardener, tech-geeky, herbalist, pirate. Married to Michael, her co-author, for 21 years. Two grown sons, two goofy dogs, one eccentric cat. Writes for her own entertainment, and hopefully yours.
Connect with Alesia at these sites:

    TWITTER   

 

Michael wrote his first book at age 12. A 24 page masterpiece hand typed onto letter paper folded in half with a construction paper cover — hand illustrated, of course — the tome was none-the-less a best seller in the family. Since then he’s been an airman; a commercial fisherman, the third generation to go to sea in his family; a lobbyist; truck driver; counselor and minister; and general contractor. All the while, writing has remained an important creative outlet and a cornerstone of his marriage to his equally literally gifted wife. Having retired from his construction firm, he now writes and publishes full time from his home in Northern California.
Connect with Michael at these sites:

TWITTER    

GUEST POST

The  first  questions  we  get  asked  are  usually  “how  can  you  write  with  the  person  you’re  living with,  every  day?  How  are  you  even  still  married?”  There’s  a  bit  of  disbelief  that  a  husband  and wife  team  can  function  professionally  as  well  domestically,  and  for  good  reasons:  You’re  going  to sleep  next  to  the  person  with  whom  you  just  spent  an  hour  arguing  plot  developments.  The  rent is  overdue.  The  car  just  broke  down.  The  kids  have  the  flu,  the  last  chapter  you  wrote  is  crap  -­ and  you  know  you’ve  got  to  get  up  the  next  morning  and  try  again.  Life.  It  just  keeps  happening, whether  you  want  it  to  or  not.

Well,  one  answer  is  that  we  keep  all  the  knives  locked  away  during  working  hours.

Seriously,  as  a  couple  we  are  polar  opposites.  Alesia  is  the  extrovert,  Michael  the  introvert. Alesia’s  strengths  are  emotional  and  intuitive,  Michael’s  are  intellectual  and  logical.  Alesia  writes in  snarled  bursts  of  words  that  she  straightens  out  later.  Michael  edits  as  he  writes.  Alesia  wants poetry  and  flow  and  music  in  the  prose.  Michael  prefers  wordy,  legalistic  prose.  For  Alesia,  the world  is  right  if  it  feels  right.  For  Michael,  the  fantasy  world  must  make  logical  sense  or  it  drives him  crazy.  (No  guarantees  inferred  or  implied  that  his  logic  makes  sense  to  anyone  else.)  We problem  solve  in  completely  different  ways  -­  and  when  we  clash,  it’s  usually  spectacular.

But  so  is  the  makeup  sex.

We  don’t  really  have  any  easy  explanations  for  how  we  do  what  we  do  as  a  married  couple.  We fight  a  lot.  We  scream,  storm  off,  write  angry  emails.  We  also  spend  hours  at  our  keyboards, pulling  love  and  lies  and  trust  and  danger  out  of  our  imaginations  to  weave  these  stories together.  It’s  not  easy  -­  insert  tired  maxims  about  hard  things  being  worth  it  all,  here.  But  when  a thing  is  important  to  you,  you  keep  finding  new  ways  to  navigate  through  the  minefields,  whether you’re  writing  a  book  or  raising  a  family.  Or  both.  One  of  our  strengths  as  a  couple  turned  out  to be  that  we  never  quit  on  each  other,  on  ourselves,  or  on  our  characters.  That  always  keeps  us coming  back  to  the  computers,  to  our  stories,  and  to  each  other.

It’s  fair  to  say  that  our  work/marriage  paradox  is  a  work  in  progress.  We’ve  learned  a  bit  about how  to  disagree  and  still  go  to  bed  together  at  night.  In  the  end,  we  hope  our  readers  enjoy  the results  of  it  as  much  as  we  do.

ABOUT THE BOOK

A con turned cop. An urchin turned lady. Two webs of lies. An epic love. Sir Vincent Sultaire is the Raven, rakehell, playboy, con, serving a term of indenture for the crimes of burglary and extortion. His lover, Lady Angelique Blakesly, seems to be a wealthy, widowed baronness and devout member of the conservative Guardian Paladin church. But Angel’s careful poise and reserve conceal the Iris, one of Fernwall’s most successful high-stakes burglars; and beneath the collar of Raven’s indenture, he’s playing the cops and the cons for fun and profit. Their deceptions intersect explosively after the brilliantly executed theft of the priceless Tôrg-Dernäd. Sir Vincent is put in charge of the investigation, a thief set to catch a thief. Angelique, beholden to forces beyond her control, is desperate to stop him. Will Raven discover the truth? And will it be enough to set Angel free before their lies destroy them both?

BOOK DETAILS:

Series: The Raven & The Iris
Paperback: 418 pages
Publisher: Metaphor Publications
Publication Date: November 26, 2013
ISBN-10: 097541075X
ISBN-13: 978-0975410752

PURCHASE LINKS:

       

THANKS TO REBECCA AT THE CADENCE GROUP,
I
HAVE ONE (1) COPY TO GIVE AWAY.
OPEN TO U.S. RESIDENTS
FILL OUT RAFFLECOPTER ENTRY FORM BELOW
GIVEAWAY ENDS FEBRUARY 12th AT 6PM EST

TCG 300

WINNER WILL BE CHOSEN BY RAFFLECOPTER AND NOTIFIED
VIA EMAIL AND WILL HAVE 48 HOURS TO RESPOND
OR ANOTHER NAME WILL BE CHOSEN

a Rafflecopter giveaway

YOUR JAVA SCRIPT MAY NEED TO BE UPDATED
IF YOU AR EXPERIENCING DIFFICULTY
USING THE RAFFLECOPTER ENTRY FORM

DISCLAIMER
I received a copy of this book, at no charge to me, in exchange for my honest review. No items that I receive are ever sold…they are kept by me, or given to family and/or friends.
ADDENDUM
I do not have any affiliation with Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble. I am an IndieBound affiliate. I am providing link(s) solely for visitors that may be interested in purchasing this Book/EBook.

 

Jan 022014
 

WELCOME


Dr. Nick Nicholson, a renowned bariatric surgeon, and B. A. Blackwood, an author, retired trial lawyer, and marathon runner, teamed up to write Weight Loss Surgery: The Real Skinny, a guide for people who are considering or have already undergone bariatric surgery. Nicholson was voted one of D Magazine’s top bariatric doctors six years in a row, and Blackwood has completed more than 20 marathons. Together they share a passion for encouraging people to achieve and maintain healthy lifestyles. They know that anyone who chooses to undergo bariatric surgery will experience bumps in the road to maintaining their weight loss. One size does not fit all—everyone’s body is unique and everyone faces a unique set of challenges.
Connect with Dr. Nicholson at these sites:

WEBSITE        TWITTER   

 

B. A. Blackwood is a trial lawyer, a marathon runner, and the author of the young adult fantasy fiction Siren Song trilogy. She splits her time between Dallas, Texas, and Bozeman, Montana, where she lives with her husband and their three pugs, Waldo, Jonesy, and Lottie.
Connect with Ms. Blackwood at these sites:

WEBSITE        TWITTER   

GUEST POST

Five Facts About Bariatric Surgery You Need to Know

By B.A. Blackwood

I’m a trial lawyer turned young adult fantasy fiction writer. When my friend, surgeon Nick Nicholson, approached me about co-authoring a book on the emotional consequences of weight loss surgery, I was intrigued, but skeptical. How could I – someone who’d never had the surgery – write a compelling book about it?

I have some overweight friends, but their weight is a sensitive issue we skirt around. I knew of one person who’d had the surgery twice and still has to buy two airplane seats, but he’s very tight-lipped about the whole experience. I’d never understood the reasons for why the surgery didn’t “cure” him, and, based on little snippets of conversations with his parents, they didn’t either.

In other words, I was pretty ignorant.

But the more Dr. Nick filled me in on all of the issues that can arise after weight loss surgery, the more I wanted to know. So, I agreed, and began interviewing patients.

Boy, did I learn a lot.

First, most bariatric patients are champion dieters, but, with the amount of weight they’re trying to lose, their own physiology makes it virtually impossible to lose enough weight and keep it off permanently. That is why the success rate of diets for morbidly obese people is only two percent.

Yes, you read that right. Two percent.

Second, eating isn’t really the issue. It’s just the coping mechanism of choice. Everyone has a coping mechanism or two, and, if we’re honest, almost everyone uses food to some extent as a coping mechanism. In the case of the morbidly obese person, it’s the primary coping mechanism.

Third, most people don’t get to the point of health-threatening obesity by binging. They did it by eating just 10 to 100 calories a day beyond their daily needs over a period of years.

Fourth, weight loss surgery isn’t a magic cure. It’s a highly effective tool, but it requires every bit as much effort, and maybe more, than a traditional diet. It works because most types of the surgery trick the body’s physiology long enough to lose the necessary weight.

Fifth, whether the surgery is successful depends on how the person deals with the emotional issues surrounding their obesity and the subsequent loss of their excess weight.

That’s where the book comes in. It’s about emotions the weight loss will provoke not only in the patient, but in their family, friends and co-workers.

Good marriages tend to get better; bad marriages tend to get worse. The spouse who’d never had to worry about other men being attracted to his wife may have a hard time handling the attention she now receives. The overweight sister who’d initially been supportive may turn hyper-critical of her now slimmer sibling. The bariatric patient who gets a promotion after losing fifty pounds may feel furious rather than ecstatic.

Preparing for what may happen, understanding the emotions underlying the reactions and facing them, and learning healthier ways to deal with those emotions are critical to maintaining the weight loss.

Even though I didn’t know  much about bariatric surgery when I began writing, it turns out that the surgery is really about striving to get better, dealing with life’s problems head on, and having the will, optimism and strength to craft a better life for yourself  – something all of us can relate to. I finished the book inspired by the stories patients had shared with me and glad I’d taken the plunge with Dr. Nick to co-author the book.

ABOUT THE BOOK

Is it possible to lose weight fast and keep it off long-term? Whether it’s a new diet, an exercise regimen, or surgery, people are always looking for the shortest path to their ideal weight. Bariatric surgery can help you get ahead of your weight issues, but it’s not a one-and-done remedy; it gives you a head start, but lasting weight loss requires maintenance.

Weight Loss Surgery: The Real Skinny tells you the truth. Bariatric surgery can be an excellent way to quickly lose weight, but it’s not a permanent fix. It can change your body, but it doesn’t change your mind or your relationship with food. As Dr. Nick Nicholson and B. A. Blackwood explain, “overeating has little to do with physical need and everything to do with emotional need.” Surgery will get you started, but patients must also be willing to adopt a healthier way of living.

While the authors do describe the benefits of bariatric surgery and discuss how to select your surgeon, much of this book addresses the issues connected to weight management that precede and follow surgery, with chapters that tackle questions like “How Did I End up in this Mess and Why Can’t I Get Out of It?” and “I’m Doing Everything Right, So Why Doesn’t My Weight Show It?”

Other chapters address some of the unexpected consequences of dramatic weight loss. You may have already known that weight gain could adversely affect your relationships…but weight loss? Like any major life change, losing weight can upset the balance in your relationships. Weight Loss Surgery: The Real Skinny honestly acknowledges the effect that bariatric surgery can have on a patient and that patient’s family and friends. The authors offer insight into how to prepare yourself and your loved ones for the shift, highlighting the importance of open communication throughout the process.

BOOK DETAILS:

Paperback: 116 pages
Publisher: Obesity Resources Publishing
Publication Date: November 13, 2013
ISBN-10: 0615887392
ISBN-13: 978-0615887395

PURCHASE LINKS:

THANKS TO REBECCA AT THE CADENCE GROUP,
I
HAVE ONE (1) COPY TO GIVE AWAY.
OPEN TO U.S. RESIDENTS
FILL OUT RAFFLECOPTER ENTRY FORM BELOW
GIVEAWAY ENDS JANUARY 16th AT 6PM EST

TCG 300

WINNER WILL BE CHOSEN BY RAFFLECOPTER AND NOTIFIED
VIA EMAIL AND WILL HAVE 48 HOURS TO RESPOND
OR ANOTHER NAME WILL BE CHOSEN

a Rafflecopter giveaway

YOUR JAVA SCRIPT MAY NEED TO BE UPDATED
IF YOU AR EXPERIENCING DIFFICULTY
USING THE RAFFLECOPTER ENTRY FORM

DISCLAIMER
I received a copy of this book, at no charge to me, in exchange for my honest review. No items that I receive are ever sold…they are kept by me, or given to family and/or friends.
ADDENDUM
I do not have any affiliation with Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble. I am an IndieBound affiliate. I am providing link(s) solely for visitors that may be interested in purchasing this Book/EBook.

 

Aug 152013
 

WELCOME GORDON BENNET BLEIL

GORDON BENNET BLEIL

Gordon Bennett Bleil is a financial educator, former banker, bank consultant, entrepreneur, business executive and business owner. He has been a professor teaching in MBA programs and he holds an MBA in finance from the University of Southern California. Gordon hosted a radio show in finance entitled The Path to Financial Freedom and has authored courses in personal financial management. He is renowned for his ability to present complicated material so that it becomes simple and understandable.
Connect with Gordon on FaceBook:

GUEST POST

Budgeting 101

The mere mention of the word “budget” causes stress and anxiety in some people analogous to telling them that they would have to go to the dentist.  For some reason any mention of managing your money seems to be intimidating.  Maybe it’s because so many books approach budgeting as a rigorous and intimidating process.

But it doesn’t need to be that way at all. A budget is simply a spending plan to let you stay in control of your finances. If it is done correctly it can be an invaluable aid to help you meet your goals. A budget should be useful and flexible so that you will continue to see is a benefit rather than an impediment.

There are essentially six steps to preparing a good budget. Let’s explore them.

Step 1— Decide why you want a budget.
If you do not know why you need a budget it is useless to try to make one.  Many people make their first budget when they find out they are spending more than they are making and need to fix it.  Others want to save more for retirement. Whatever it is you simply need a goal before you start budgeting.

Step 2 — Gather data
You need to know what you are spending now and for what you were using your money.  This is often the toughest part of the budgeting process.  If you asked most people to reconstruct from memory what they spent the last month they would unlikely get closer than about 80%.

The importance of this cannot be over emphasized. One of the reasons for a budget is to identify money that is being wasted or spent unnecessarily. Money is very liquid so we may draw a parallel to water in a bucket.  If the bucket has a hole all of the contents will certainly leak out. We want to keep that from happening.

So for one month count  every penny you spend. Then at the end of the month add pro rata amounts for any expenditures which do not occur evenly each month.  Be especially careful with charge cards that you do not add the amount of the primary transaction and the amount on the credit card. If you do you will be double counting.

When this is done you should have a pretty accurate idea of where your money is going. You may have some surprises. At one money management seminar a lady who did this discovered she was spending $1700 a year in the company vending machines. Now there is nothing immoral in this but maybe it is not the best way to spend your money. Maybe she wanted to make some changes.

Step 3 — Organize the data
Raw data is not very useful.  So we have to organize it into categories. There are mandatory expenses, discretionary expenses, hybrid expenses, and escrowed ones.

Mandatory expenses are those which have to be paid before anything else can be paid. The mortgage payment is an example.

Discretionary expenses are those which can be suspended for an indefinite or short period of time. An example would be going to the movies.

Hybrid expenses are those which have characteristics of each of the previous two.  An example is the grocery bill. Some of the grocery bill is mandatory and some of it is discretionary.

Escrow expenses are monies which you set aside for bills that do not occur evenly throughout the year. An example would be your property taxes.

Now record the data into these categories. It is a good idea to record this information on columned paper with three columns so that you can make changes.

Step 4 — Analyze the data and propose changes
Now it is time to look at the data in some detail. For each item determine what you spent and what you would like to spend and put the amount in parallel columns. Then determine whether the amount has to go up or down.  Maybe you want to put more money into retirement and less money into eating out.

Obviously the amount of money going out has to equal the amount of money coming in.  If part of the money coming in is increased indebtedness you may want to consider correcting that.  Someday increased debt has to be paid back and that will increase still another category.

Step 5 — Calculate all of the changes you want to make
For all of the expense items simply determine any changes that you have to make.

Step 6 — Put your spending plan (budget) to work for you
How you do this is completely up to you. A few tips may help you out. Money for different purposes should be handled differently. Wherever possible mandatory expenses should be set up as an automatic debit to a checking account. Money for different purposes should also be physically separated. It can be in different bank accounts, or it could be an envelope system.

The envelope system works very well. You simply put the allocated amount of money for each category in a separate envelope. When the money is gone you stop spending. This way it keeps you from overspending for something you had not planned to do. Escrow money should not be mixed with the grocery or entertainment funds.

There are many sites on the Internet which can give you additional specifics on budgeting and systems to do so. All of the forms necessary for a budget can be downloaded free from the author’s website www.ptff.net.  Another thing that may be of interest to you is the Financial Freedom Risk Assessment quiz that can also be found on that web site.

ABOUT THE BOOK
Give Yourself a Raise is a complete how-to guide for finding more money to reduce the stress in your life and lead you to­ financial freedom. Suitable for beginners and professionals alike, it will lead you to more contentment about money!
Unique to this book are:
·      Financial Freedom Risk Assessment Quiz—take it and evaluate your own risk!
·      Goals made easy—the complete foundation for personal money management
·      Freedom Money Management System™—harness the power of electronic banking to organize your personal finances
You will also learn how to:
·      Control impulse spending
·      Eliminate family conflict
·      Get out of debt and stay out
·      Practice spending strategies to stretch your income
·      Stop wasting money
BOOK DETAILS:

Categories: Personal Finance-Budgeting, Personal Finance-Money Management
Paperback: 250 pages
Publisher: Elate Press
Publication Date: July 23, 2013
ISBN-10: 0988149184
ISBN-13: 978-0988149182

PURCHASE LINKS:

              

THANKS TO REBECCA AT THE CADENCE GROUP,
I
HAVE ONE (1) COPY TO GIVE AWAY.
OPEN TO U.S. RESIDENTS
FILL OUT RAFFLECOPTER ENTRY FORM BELOW
GIVEAWAY ENDS AUGUST 29th AT 6PM EST

TCG 300

WINNER WILL BE CHOSEN BY RAFFLECOPTER AND NOTIFIED
VIA EMAIL AND WILL HAVE 48 HOURS TO RESPOND
OR ANOTHER NAME WILL BE CHOSEN

a Rafflecopter giveaway

YOUR JAVA SCRIPT MAY NEED TO BE UPDATED
IF YOU AR EXPERIENCING DIFFICULTY
USING THE RAFFLECOPTER ENTRY FORM

DISCLAIMER
I received a copy of this book, at no charge to me, in exchange for my honest review. No items that I receive are ever sold…they are kept by me, or given to family and/or friends.
ADDENDUM
I do not have any affiliation with Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble. I am an IndieBound affiliate. I am providing link(s) solely for visitors that may be interested in purchasing this Book/EBook.

 

Jun 042013
 

We have all heard stories about the mother-in-law, daughter-in-law dynamics.  Not all are favorable.   And as some of you know, my youngest son is getting married in November, which means, I officially will add that title to my name.  So when Rebecca, from The Cadence Group emailed me about today’s guest, I responded immediately.  I do have to say that my husband and I are blessed, our future daughter-in-law, Jess, is beautiful both inside and out.  We already consider her our “own” daughter.  Please help me in welcoming Dr. Deanna Brann.

DR. DEANNA BRANN

Deanna Brann, Ph.D., is a leading expert in the field of mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationships. She has more than 25 years experience as a clinical psychotherapist and ran her own private practice for more than 18 years. Based in Knoxville, TN, Dr. Brann is a sought after speaker, author and seminar leader. She is the two-time author of Reluctantly Related: Secrets To Getting Along With Your Mother-in-Law or Daughter-in-Law and Mothers-in-Law and Daughters-in-Law Say the Darndest Things. 

Connect with Dr.. Brann at these sites:

http://www.drdeannabrann.com/ https://www.facebook.com/drdeannabrann https://twitter.com/deannabrann

GUEST POST

Five Reasons Why You Struggle with Your In-Laws

Put a group of women together, bring up the subject of mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law, and you can almost hear the electricity start to crackle in the air. Whether they can’t stand one another, don’t “get” one another, or just feel at a loss about how to deal with one another, one thing is certain—women who struggle with this relationship have a story to tell:

  • “She did it again! No matter what I say, she completely ignores me and does whatever she wants, whenever she wants.”
  • “My son and I used to be so close until he married her. Now he barely speaks to me!”
  • “Why does she have to be so intrusive, so controlling?”
  • “She won’t let me see my grandchildren!”

The mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship is surely one of the most confusing and difficult relationships one can experience—no matter what side of it you’re on. You don’t yet feel like family, and you aren’t really friends, but you’re definitely more than casual acquaintances. To get a handle on how to approach this tricky relationship, it helps to understand these five reasons why it’s such a struggle in the first place:

      1. The artificial element: Let’s face it, you didn’t choose to be in each other’s lives. You and your in-law are thrown together because you both love this one man—your husband or your son. Even though you don’t really know each other as individuals, you have to create a relationship (rather quickly, I might add) because you are now “family.”
      2. Different stages, different emotional places: You and your in-law are at different stages in your lives. The mother-in-law has already made a home and life of her own. And the daughter-in-law is just getting started on these aspects of her life (and understandably wants to do it her way). The two of you are also in different emotional places. So much of what a mother-in-law focuses on is based on what she’s learned in her past experiences, while a daughter-in-law is focusing more on the future that she wants to create.
      1. Personal history and carry-on baggage: Each of you came into this relationship with your own history and emotional baggage, so each of you has different personal issues. Those issues greatly impact how you perceive and react to what the other says and does.
      1. Perception is reality (or is it?): Because of these different issues, each of you also has her own perception of reality. So what one sees as a helpful, positive suggestion or offer, the other may well see as clear evidence of meddling and controlling (or vice versa). It’s the same situation seen through differently tinted glasses.
      1. There’s reacting, and then there’s reacting! Just as your perception can be skewed, so can your reaction to what you see. When your in-law reacts to something you said or did, that reaction is based on her perception, which is likely to be very different from yours. If her perception is off, you can easily think her reaction is coming out of left field, even if it makes perfect sense to her.

Given all these challenges, you may well feel that your in-law relationship is certainly doomed, but trust me—there is hope! As you understand these factors and their impact on the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship, you will gain a greater understanding of the situation. And then you’ll be much better equipped to sidestep the land mines along the way.

ABOUT THE BOOK

Change your struggling in-law relationship today! Through humor, compassion and focus, I’ll show you how, step-by-step. In my book, Reluctantly Related I give you the understanding and the tools to make positive, lasting changes in your mother-in-law or daughter-in-law relationship. You don’t have to feel powerless or hopeless in your relationship!
· Learn the secrets to making change possible.
· Learn practical yet effective tools and skills that build your confidence and empower you with both your in-law and others.
· Learn how to transform your relationship without having to confront your in-law.

There has never been such an entertaining yet helpful resource on the specific problems between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. Reluctantly Related provides unique, straightforward help to any “MIL/DIL challenged” family, and should be required reading for newlyweds and their mothers!

BOOK DETAILS:

ISBN-13: 9780988810006
Publisher: New Shelves Publishing Services
Publication date: 2/25/2013
Pages: 186

PURCHASE LINKS:

          

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