The statistics of marriages and divorce in today’s world are staggering. The days of The Cleavers ( a family sitcom in 1957-1963) are gone. So when Rebecca from The Cadence Groupcontacted me about today’s guests, I thought it would be an interesting visit. Please help me welcome Dr. Tony Feretti and Dr. Peter Weiss to our group.
DR. TONY FERRETTI and DR. PETER WEISS
Dr. Peter Weiss is physician and healthcare executive with a passion for helping others to health and wellness. A graduate of Washington University in St. Louis, Dr. Weiss currently serves as an executive for the Adventist Health System in Orlando, Florida.
His coauthor, Dr. Tony Ferretti is a licensed psychologist who has helped clients recognize the addictive nature of power, control, and “success” for over twenty years. A Ph.D. graduate of the University of Southern Mississippi, he’s appeared on Dr. Phil and hosted his own popular radio show, “Talk to Tony.”
Change Your Life Not Your Wife
Peter J. Weiss, MD
Tiger Woods, Elliot Spitzer, Mark Sanford, John Edwards, Jack Welch, Arnold Schwarzenegger… The list goes on and on. Who will be next? It’s only a matter of time until the newspapers headline another major public figure who destroys his marriage, family and perhaps his career through self-destructive behaviors. The world wonders, “What happened? How could he throw it all away? What was he thinking?”
Some of us know what he was thinking. He thought that that the purpose of life is accomplishment or conquest. Perhaps his greatest drive was achieving more at work, making more money, or having more stuff. Hey, I’ve been there, and I see it all around me in medicine and business. Thinking that way can get you far in life, but it’s not a healthy way to live. Often it destroys marriages and families.
Occasionally a marital crisis may cause one of these high flyers to wake up to life’s bigger questions. “What’s life all about anyway? Why am I living like this? Why do I feel so much pressure? How do I want to live? How can I enjoy life more?” But some never wake up. They just dig in and work harder. Achieve more. Earn more. Buy more. Perhaps even get the “trophy wife.” And then the cycle repeats. Third or fourth marriages are not uncommon for these folks.
Unfortunately many of the same personality traits that propel us to material success can spell trouble for our relationships. Emotional immaturity, intense ambition, perfectionism, and “control freak” behaviors are common among high-achieving physicians, attorneys, businesspeople, politicians and entrepreneurs, in all communities and of both genders. We all know these individuals, and we are often witnesses to their crumbling relationships. I’m sure you can bring some names to mind.
The good news is that people can change. It takes work but it can be done. Relationships can be repaired. Marriages do heal. When couples are willing to work through their issues dramatic improvement and healing are possible. That’s why I coauthored Change Your Life, Not Your Wife with Dr. Tony Ferretti. People need help.
So if you’re the typical Type A personality climbing the ladder of success, my advice is don’t wait for your crisis. Don’t be next. Admit your issues and change for the better. Conceding that you have a problem is the hardest part, but truth is, others around you already know what you’re like. Many, especially your spouse, would probably be happy to help.
Give some attention to your spiritual and emotional health. Seek answers to life’s bigger questions. Make time for your family and friends. Take it easy on yourself. Learn about managing your emotions, especially anger, stress and frustration. Enjoy life more. This doesn’t mean that you need to be less effective at work, just less consumed by it. You may even be more effective at your vocation as a more balanced person.
Change your life, not your wife. You’ll be glad you did!
ABOUT THE BOOK
Are you winning at work but failing at home?
Save your marriage before it’s too late!
Divorce is everywhere. Especially among high-achieving and success-driven professionals-sometimes even those in long-term marriages. Unfortunately, this divorce pattern often repeats itself resulting in more broken relationships. In Change Your Wife Not Your Life, Drs. Ferretti and Weiss demystify this seeming discord – highly successful individuals failing at home and making life-damaging choices. They offer hope through insight and easy-to-understand exercises to improve these most important relationships.
Drs. Ferretti and Weiss explain how the same character traits that propel us to succeed in our careers can bring our family life crashing down. Using true-to-life examples that we all can recognize, they clearly outline the perils posed by being achievement or power oriented in your intimate relationships.
Eschewing the blame game, the authors stress that usually both partners have had a role in arriving at a marital crossroads. It’s not just one person’s fault. Their good news is that relationships can get better. Marriages do heal. When couples are willing to work through their issues, dramatic improvement and healing are possible.
In this book you will:
· Discover the common personality traits behind the succeed at work/fail at home syndrome,
· Understand how your current behavior in relationships has been shaped by your childhood experiences,
· Assess the priorities in your life and the importance of shifting your focus from possessions to people,
· Find simple assessments, and exercises to help you evaluate your marriage,
· Learn through a step-by-step process how to heal, nurture, and grow your marriage with proven and effective tools,
· See how counseling works to help couples heal relationships, or to heal separately when relationships do fail.
THANKS TO REBECCA FROM THE CADENCE GROUP, I
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